Friday, April 6, 2012

Ports and Treatment

So it’s been almost a week since my port was placed in my chest. All I can say is I feel sorry for all those alien abductees who have had to deal with this! When your muscles and skin are moved around to make a “pocket” for a medical device to be inserted into, said muscles and skin are not happy! I should clarify that I am not in pain, just really uncomfortable. Anyone who has ever had major surgery or a chronic pain issue knows that there is a difference between the two. Being in pain is like “This hurts so much I really would rather just die right now than experience this” and being uncomfortable is like “I am aware of this sensation and I would prefer that it stops”. I never posted the previous paragraph, but I would hate to deprive anyone of my cleverness so I will include it with my current post.

 I have now had 8 of my 25 radiation treatments. The only side effects I have experienced so far are some slight fatigue, joint pain and some diarrhea. I have not received any x-ray vision, mind reading or telepathy powers. I am very disappointed. Apparently, those are not expected but when I asked about these side effects I was promised a cape at the end of my treatment.

 The treatments themselves are short and painless. I am face down on a table and the machine moves around me. It sometimes makes a noise like a dental drill, which is a little disconcerting. It does not feel like one, so I am grateful for that! I don’t feel anything at all. Sometimes when the machine is zapping me, I envision a white laser penetrating my skin and destroying any remaining cancer in my body. I believe that positive imagery can help. However, sometimes the “image” takes off and instead of the laser harmlessly penetrating my skin and only going after the cancer, I see the laser hitting my hip and blowing me right off the table and slamming me into the opposite wall. I may need to ask about some kind of therapy for that.

 I received a call earlier in the week from an HR representative from my employer. Since my treatment will keep me out of work longer than one calendar year and they did not have a position they could hold for me that long they decided to terminate me. Yeah, I was fired. At first, I was so shocked and hurt and angry but I am over it now. Apparently, they were going to do it a few weeks ago but they wanted me to have my insurance for as close to 30 days as they could give me. I am grateful for that. I have much to do now; filing for disability, unemployment, COBRA and I think there is more but it is escaping me at the moment. I must admit, the decision to terminate me was not a surprise, just the timing. I knew that I would get this phone call, but I expected it later this year, when we were closer to that actual one year date. I think that’s much of why I had such a range of emotion with that. I want to say, “how dare you fire me, I have CANCER!” but I understand why they have to make that decision. I mean, what employer wants to have to pay an employee for doing nothing? If you know of one, please let me know where I can forward my resume.

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