Our new word of the day is "chemo coma". That's what I was in for days 2 through 5 after chemo treatment number 2. It's not as bad as it sounds, I just like the word. I slept for three days. Not a Rip VanWinkle sleep. I woke up and ate, used the bathroom and yeah that was about it. I did make myself go upstairs and get food, most of the time. I know that the movement is good for me, see mom? I do listen. Sometimes. But I would eat, give the food a few minutes to start digesting then go back to bed. Of all the side effects of chemo, this was certainly the easiest to deal with. I had a really nasty bout of nausea Thursday night after treatment. I just knew that if I could just throw up, I would feel so much better. But that never happened. Thankfully, modern medicine has provided me with Zofran. I took one, and I don't know if it cured the nausea or not, but it did make me sleep, which sometimes is just as good. When I woke up several hours later, the nausea had passed and I was hungry.
This time around, I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. Nothing seemed to bother my stomach. I have now completed 3 of my 8 treatments and so far I have been very lucky. My nausea has been almost non-existent, and I pretty much just go into chemo coma for 4 or 5 days and then I am fine until the next round. I also have some arthritic like pain in my knees and hips, but that is a common side effect of the meds I am given.
Not much has hanged since my last post, which is why I have posted much of anything for the last month. I still struggle with not being able to bear a child. I have yet another friend who is now 1 month pregnant. It's hard because I am so happy for her and her partner, but part of me wants to just sob and weep because that is something that I will never know. I know that Universe obviously has something else in mind for me, but right now, I don't have to like it. I am still working on coming to terms with this. It will just take some time.
I think that this short post will be all for now. It's bringing up too much for me to handle right now. Love and Light to you all.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Random Thinkings
I am getting ready for chemo treatment number 2 tomorrow. I am still a little aprehensive about it. I know the procedure, but what I don't know, is how my body will react to this and each of my subsequent treatments. The first one, really wasn't that bad. I learned some valuable lessons: McDonald's is never a good idea, and pot roast is right up there with the Golden Arches of Evil.
I am sadly disappointed that I have not lost my hair yet. I am extremely pissed off that I have yet to develop any super powers. I think that the "What to Expect When You Have Cancer" brochure needs to be trashed and re-written. All I have gained from my treatments are an increased need for sleep, a few hemerrhoids and a couple of boils. All in all, I think these are shitty super powers and seem more like punishments than rewards. I guess I should be thankful, I haven't grown extra hair in odd places, like my eyelids, the 'roids are smaller than a Buick and the boils are not in a visible location, like on my face. Sometimes being positive is all you have. I am not sure that I have a handle on that yet, but I am trying!
I am in the process of packing my "chemo bag". It's a small messenger bag that has my stuff in it that I might need for the day. Right now it includes:
a small pillow, hand made and donated by some amazing person
my anti-nausea meds
ginger candy and candied ginger
cell phone charger
protein bar
dried fruit
various butt creams and ointments
gauze ( needed for the drain that I still have in for my abcess)
books (Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs and Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell)
handicapped hang tag and corresponding paperwork
gum wrapper
my cancer notebook
a pen
my comedy notebook
my storage unit key (it's not needed for chemo, I just always know where it is if I leave it in there)
numbing cream for my port site and Tegaderm patch
a protein bar
miscellaneous fuzz
iPod and headphones
I may add a few more things. I am open to suggestions. I still have room, so I have this need to put more stuff in it. Oky kiddos, I am going to go swimming and hang with my Dammit Sister, The Boy, his mom and my mom. Enjoy!
I am sadly disappointed that I have not lost my hair yet. I am extremely pissed off that I have yet to develop any super powers. I think that the "What to Expect When You Have Cancer" brochure needs to be trashed and re-written. All I have gained from my treatments are an increased need for sleep, a few hemerrhoids and a couple of boils. All in all, I think these are shitty super powers and seem more like punishments than rewards. I guess I should be thankful, I haven't grown extra hair in odd places, like my eyelids, the 'roids are smaller than a Buick and the boils are not in a visible location, like on my face. Sometimes being positive is all you have. I am not sure that I have a handle on that yet, but I am trying!
I am in the process of packing my "chemo bag". It's a small messenger bag that has my stuff in it that I might need for the day. Right now it includes:
a small pillow, hand made and donated by some amazing person
my anti-nausea meds
ginger candy and candied ginger
cell phone charger
protein bar
dried fruit
various butt creams and ointments
gauze ( needed for the drain that I still have in for my abcess)
books (Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs and Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell)
handicapped hang tag and corresponding paperwork
gum wrapper
my cancer notebook
a pen
my comedy notebook
my storage unit key (it's not needed for chemo, I just always know where it is if I leave it in there)
numbing cream for my port site and Tegaderm patch
a protein bar
miscellaneous fuzz
iPod and headphones
I may add a few more things. I am open to suggestions. I still have room, so I have this need to put more stuff in it. Oky kiddos, I am going to go swimming and hang with my Dammit Sister, The Boy, his mom and my mom. Enjoy!
Friday, June 15, 2012
But It's a Good Pain.....
So I had my first chemo treatment last Thursday. That was a looooong day. It started at 9:30am with the first nurse checking me in and getting my vitals. Then a second nurse accessed my port and did my blood draws and hooked up the port so it was ready to access for chemo. Then I waited for almost an hour, half naked with nothing to cover my nethers but a large paper towel. After yet another pelvic exam, I was given the green light for my chemo treatment. The CT scan I had earlier in the week came back completely "unremarkable". In medical speak, this means that they were unable to detect any new growths, everything was where it belonged and nothing that I had removed in January had grown back. I was dismissed and had about an hour to kill before I was due at the Cancer Center. We stopped for a sandwich and ate in the parking garage. Call it a pre-chemo picnic.
Once I was checked in, I was given my choice of chairs, but they wanted me close to the nurses station, just to keep an eye on me. There were lots of "pre-meds" given to me before we got to the actual chemo drugs. The idea here, is that if you give these meds to prevent the anticipated side effects, they become easier to treat, if not completely eliminated. Some of the pre-meds made me pretty sleepy, so I know that I napped for a while. I was visited by the on site pharmacist. He brought some handouts about the drugs that I was being given. He spent maybe an hour with me, going over what I was being given and why. He also explained possible side effects and some preventative measures I can take to avoid some of the potential mouth issues I can encounter. It was a little bit overwhelming, but for me, having all of that information takes some the "ohshitwhatthehellishappeningtome" out of it.
The first chemo drug goes in very slowly. And by slowly, I mean about 3 hours. It sounds like a long time, but I think with the newness of the process it didn't seem to be that long. Next I get a huge dose of Lasix. For you non-medical folks, this drug will make you pee everything you have had to drink in the last 4 days, over a 1 hour period. In the middle of doing the 100 yard dash for the potty, I have to sit still while they administer chemo drug number two, "red death". I tried to convince my nurse that she could push the drug while I just sat on the potty, but apparently this is not sanitary. Red Death, is so named for several reasons. One is that it can burn like hell if it gets on your skin or blows out your vein. The other, which I think is kind of neat, is that it makes your pee and I am told other body secretions, sweat, tears etc. red or pink. While that is fun, you have to keep in mind that because of the toxicity of the drugs that are being pumped into my body, and the radiation that I have undergone, I also have to be aware of blood in my urine. Thankfully, the affects of the red death only last for about 24 hours.
By the time we arrived at home, it was almost 7pm. I really didn't feel that bad, mostly just tired. Next day I had to report back to the Cancer Center to get a shot. This shot is designed to stimulate my white blood cell count, since chemo kills those. They had explained that the stimulated production can cause pain in the big bones (legs, sternum, etc). Think of freezing a bottle of water. As the ice forms, it only has a fixed amount of space to expand into. Same thing with the white blood cells. It's one of those double-edged swords; if it hurts, it's working. That is not a comforting thought. I followed directions and took a Claritin and an Alleve (OK I took two Alleve). The nurse that gave me the shot also told me if I had any pain meds to take one before I went to bed to make sure I didn't wake up in the middle of the night hurting. Done and Done! As I write this now, six days after this shot, I have had no pain from it.
Nausea is not fun. I am not sure which feeling is worse, actually throwing up, or feeling like you might, for hours at a time. In the first few days post chemo, I found that I could keep the nausea at bay if I ate small, snack sized meals every few hours. I only made two mistakes with this: eating a sausage biscuit from the Golden Arches of Hell and about a 1/4 cup serving of pot roast. Lesson here? McDonald's really is Satan's playground and red meat is as evil as everyone says. OK, the latter is not necessarily true. I think I might be okay with a lean ground round or something. Our suspicion is that the fat and grease, as well as the difficulty that a healthy body has processing red meat were just too much. I can live with that. I also found sweets to be a big issue as well. I stuck with slightly salty foods and really did just fine. I must add here that while effective, cancer is a shitty diet. I have lost about 8 pounds in the last week. I think next to figuring out what I can and cannot eat, getting up in the middle of the night to eat has been an adjustment.
A week has passed since my first treatment. The first 4 or 5 days were pretty rough, but not really that bad. The last 2 days, I have felt great. I am still sleeping about 12 hours a night, but I have not needed a nap during the day. Also, I have been able to eat whatever I wanted to, just in small portions.
I have to say, that without my family and my wife as traveling companions on this journey, it would be so much worse. All of you, with your words of encouragement, prayers, candles and "just checking in on you's" have been worth more than you will ever know. I love you all.
Once I was checked in, I was given my choice of chairs, but they wanted me close to the nurses station, just to keep an eye on me. There were lots of "pre-meds" given to me before we got to the actual chemo drugs. The idea here, is that if you give these meds to prevent the anticipated side effects, they become easier to treat, if not completely eliminated. Some of the pre-meds made me pretty sleepy, so I know that I napped for a while. I was visited by the on site pharmacist. He brought some handouts about the drugs that I was being given. He spent maybe an hour with me, going over what I was being given and why. He also explained possible side effects and some preventative measures I can take to avoid some of the potential mouth issues I can encounter. It was a little bit overwhelming, but for me, having all of that information takes some the "ohshitwhatthehellishappeningtome" out of it.
The first chemo drug goes in very slowly. And by slowly, I mean about 3 hours. It sounds like a long time, but I think with the newness of the process it didn't seem to be that long. Next I get a huge dose of Lasix. For you non-medical folks, this drug will make you pee everything you have had to drink in the last 4 days, over a 1 hour period. In the middle of doing the 100 yard dash for the potty, I have to sit still while they administer chemo drug number two, "red death". I tried to convince my nurse that she could push the drug while I just sat on the potty, but apparently this is not sanitary. Red Death, is so named for several reasons. One is that it can burn like hell if it gets on your skin or blows out your vein. The other, which I think is kind of neat, is that it makes your pee and I am told other body secretions, sweat, tears etc. red or pink. While that is fun, you have to keep in mind that because of the toxicity of the drugs that are being pumped into my body, and the radiation that I have undergone, I also have to be aware of blood in my urine. Thankfully, the affects of the red death only last for about 24 hours.
By the time we arrived at home, it was almost 7pm. I really didn't feel that bad, mostly just tired. Next day I had to report back to the Cancer Center to get a shot. This shot is designed to stimulate my white blood cell count, since chemo kills those. They had explained that the stimulated production can cause pain in the big bones (legs, sternum, etc). Think of freezing a bottle of water. As the ice forms, it only has a fixed amount of space to expand into. Same thing with the white blood cells. It's one of those double-edged swords; if it hurts, it's working. That is not a comforting thought. I followed directions and took a Claritin and an Alleve (OK I took two Alleve). The nurse that gave me the shot also told me if I had any pain meds to take one before I went to bed to make sure I didn't wake up in the middle of the night hurting. Done and Done! As I write this now, six days after this shot, I have had no pain from it.
Nausea is not fun. I am not sure which feeling is worse, actually throwing up, or feeling like you might, for hours at a time. In the first few days post chemo, I found that I could keep the nausea at bay if I ate small, snack sized meals every few hours. I only made two mistakes with this: eating a sausage biscuit from the Golden Arches of Hell and about a 1/4 cup serving of pot roast. Lesson here? McDonald's really is Satan's playground and red meat is as evil as everyone says. OK, the latter is not necessarily true. I think I might be okay with a lean ground round or something. Our suspicion is that the fat and grease, as well as the difficulty that a healthy body has processing red meat were just too much. I can live with that. I also found sweets to be a big issue as well. I stuck with slightly salty foods and really did just fine. I must add here that while effective, cancer is a shitty diet. I have lost about 8 pounds in the last week. I think next to figuring out what I can and cannot eat, getting up in the middle of the night to eat has been an adjustment.
A week has passed since my first treatment. The first 4 or 5 days were pretty rough, but not really that bad. The last 2 days, I have felt great. I am still sleeping about 12 hours a night, but I have not needed a nap during the day. Also, I have been able to eat whatever I wanted to, just in small portions.
I have to say, that without my family and my wife as traveling companions on this journey, it would be so much worse. All of you, with your words of encouragement, prayers, candles and "just checking in on you's" have been worth more than you will ever know. I love you all.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
The Good, The Bad and The Chemo Brain
I have done my research and talked to other survivors, and the one thing that is consistent about chemo, is that you can't predict how it will affect you. Every one's experience is different. A few things Dr. Cancer has assured me of: I will loose my hair around week 3 or 4, and he will load me up with enough medicine that I should never be sick to my stomach or vomit. That is somewhat comforting. I have previously written that the hair loss does not bother me, although the loss of my eyelashes just seems beyond weird. I have been assured that gone are the days of experiences like in " Dying Young". What concerns me is "chemo brain".
What is chemo brain? Apparently, the drugs used for this phase of cancer treatment, causes "mild cognitive impairment". This can include the inability to multi-task, lack of focus, forgetting dates, names, and um...those things, yeah, words. This is supposed to be mostly temporary. Mostly. I have always prided myself on being fairly intelligent. It concerns me that this particular aspect of myself I might loose. I guess I can only hope that if it does become a permanent side effect I will have lost enough cognitive ability that I won't even notice it.
Now that we have an actual schedule for my chemo treatments, the reality is setting in. I feel like setting up a countdown clock, we are T-minus 5 days for massive amounts of poison being pumped into your body. I do not think that this is one of my more productive ideas. I have been thinking a lot about hair loss again. I haven't changed my mind, the thought of not having to shave is rather exciting, and I am not at all upset about loosing the hair on my head or my eyebrows. What still concerns me, is loosing my eyelashes. I really think that the only thing that was going to keep my from looking like a freckled bowling ball was my eyelashes. It was suggested, and I am not ashamed to admit that I did not think of it. It seems wrong for me to even consider it. I say this because it seems false, no pun intend, since I do not plan on wearing a wig to cover the baldness on my head. That, and it's just not me.
Now there are some good things that have happened. Since moving back in with my parents, I have spent more time with my nephew, The Boy. What a huge blessing this has been. Before all this started, he knew me, but we hadn't spent much time together. We have really bonded. Now, I am no MiMi and I never will be, but I am Auntie Sara and that's a pretty good thing. He frequently seeks me out for help with feeding Melvin, our Betta fish, and now, he associates me with fishing, or what he calls fishing. Since he is a 5 year old boy, you can't tell him he's not doing it right, because it's right for HIM, and ultimately that's what matters. His idea of fishing, is to take one of my many plastic worms, carefully place it on his hook, all by himself, then cast it out. He immediately reels it back in, declares "This one isn't working" and proceeds to get another one out. The Boy has no patience, and let's face it, that is about 90% of fishing, but he has fun and he is with Auntie Sara, and that is all that matters in my book.
The other good thing is my relationship with my Mom. We have spent more time together in the last 5 months than we have in the last 5 years, and I am loving it. Even just the little stuff like a trip to Wal-mart. We laugh and talk and laugh some more. The laughing is the most therapeutic part for me, and honestly my favorite. Growing up, mom always did fun stuff with us, but I don't remember her laughing with me. It was usually my dad and I, and our now infamous "Pun Wars" in the kitchen, but not not her. Now, we crack jokes and poke fun at each other. She has always been my mom, but for the first time in my life, I feel like she is my friend too. That is just an odd transition for me. I am not sure that this ever would have happened without the cancer.
So for all the unpleasantness that has come with the cancer, so much good has come from it too. I want you all to find the good in your shitty situations, It's there, you just have to find it. I know I did.
What is chemo brain? Apparently, the drugs used for this phase of cancer treatment, causes "mild cognitive impairment". This can include the inability to multi-task, lack of focus, forgetting dates, names, and um...those things, yeah, words. This is supposed to be mostly temporary. Mostly. I have always prided myself on being fairly intelligent. It concerns me that this particular aspect of myself I might loose. I guess I can only hope that if it does become a permanent side effect I will have lost enough cognitive ability that I won't even notice it.
Now that we have an actual schedule for my chemo treatments, the reality is setting in. I feel like setting up a countdown clock, we are T-minus 5 days for massive amounts of poison being pumped into your body. I do not think that this is one of my more productive ideas. I have been thinking a lot about hair loss again. I haven't changed my mind, the thought of not having to shave is rather exciting, and I am not at all upset about loosing the hair on my head or my eyebrows. What still concerns me, is loosing my eyelashes. I really think that the only thing that was going to keep my from looking like a freckled bowling ball was my eyelashes. It was suggested, and I am not ashamed to admit that I did not think of it. It seems wrong for me to even consider it. I say this because it seems false, no pun intend, since I do not plan on wearing a wig to cover the baldness on my head. That, and it's just not me.
Now there are some good things that have happened. Since moving back in with my parents, I have spent more time with my nephew, The Boy. What a huge blessing this has been. Before all this started, he knew me, but we hadn't spent much time together. We have really bonded. Now, I am no MiMi and I never will be, but I am Auntie Sara and that's a pretty good thing. He frequently seeks me out for help with feeding Melvin, our Betta fish, and now, he associates me with fishing, or what he calls fishing. Since he is a 5 year old boy, you can't tell him he's not doing it right, because it's right for HIM, and ultimately that's what matters. His idea of fishing, is to take one of my many plastic worms, carefully place it on his hook, all by himself, then cast it out. He immediately reels it back in, declares "This one isn't working" and proceeds to get another one out. The Boy has no patience, and let's face it, that is about 90% of fishing, but he has fun and he is with Auntie Sara, and that is all that matters in my book.
The other good thing is my relationship with my Mom. We have spent more time together in the last 5 months than we have in the last 5 years, and I am loving it. Even just the little stuff like a trip to Wal-mart. We laugh and talk and laugh some more. The laughing is the most therapeutic part for me, and honestly my favorite. Growing up, mom always did fun stuff with us, but I don't remember her laughing with me. It was usually my dad and I, and our now infamous "Pun Wars" in the kitchen, but not not her. Now, we crack jokes and poke fun at each other. She has always been my mom, but for the first time in my life, I feel like she is my friend too. That is just an odd transition for me. I am not sure that this ever would have happened without the cancer.
So for all the unpleasantness that has come with the cancer, so much good has come from it too. I want you all to find the good in your shitty situations, It's there, you just have to find it. I know I did.
Friday, May 11, 2012
So Tired of Being Tired
I am tired. I can't get through my day without a nap. I get up and help my parents around the house as much as I can, but it is getting old. I know that I have to give my body time to heal, it's been through so much in the last 5 months. I have about 5 weeks, or so, before my chemo will start. Although I have been told over and over that each person's chemo experience is different, it's a very common complaint, the fatigue. It may last a day or two, or be a constant companion. I was exhausted throughout my radiation, so I guess that I will have a similar experience with chemo.
I have 3 radiation treatments left. These are high dose, site specific treatments with a small radiation "seed". Now, the process to get set up for this, at best, was retched. I try to be positive, but I had 2, count them 2 catheters in and another cylinder in my vagina. I saw how big each one was, before it was inserted. None of them were really that big, but my perception of their size, once inserted, was much different. The first catheter, which went in my urethra, felt like it was the size of a Pringles can. Next came the cylinder, which I am sure was actually a coffee can. Last was the catheter in my rectum, and it felt like it was the size of a can of asparagus, coated in glass shards. You may giggle now, I don't mind. It's over and I am not dwelling on it, just sharing the experience. The purpose of all off these "invasions" was to target the radiation. The catheters were used to fill me with a dye that would show up as a contrast on the x-ray. The good news is that when I go back for my actual treatments, all I have to contend with is the cylinder. I will be mentally prepared for it so I don't expect it to be too bad. Also, because these are site specific, I should not have much in the way of side effects. Here's hoping.
I may add to this later, but for now, it's a short post. I think I need a nap.
I have 3 radiation treatments left. These are high dose, site specific treatments with a small radiation "seed". Now, the process to get set up for this, at best, was retched. I try to be positive, but I had 2, count them 2 catheters in and another cylinder in my vagina. I saw how big each one was, before it was inserted. None of them were really that big, but my perception of their size, once inserted, was much different. The first catheter, which went in my urethra, felt like it was the size of a Pringles can. Next came the cylinder, which I am sure was actually a coffee can. Last was the catheter in my rectum, and it felt like it was the size of a can of asparagus, coated in glass shards. You may giggle now, I don't mind. It's over and I am not dwelling on it, just sharing the experience. The purpose of all off these "invasions" was to target the radiation. The catheters were used to fill me with a dye that would show up as a contrast on the x-ray. The good news is that when I go back for my actual treatments, all I have to contend with is the cylinder. I will be mentally prepared for it so I don't expect it to be too bad. Also, because these are site specific, I should not have much in the way of side effects. Here's hoping.
I may add to this later, but for now, it's a short post. I think I need a nap.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Popcorn and Laser Tattoo Removal
As of today, I have had a total of 18 radiation treatments. I have 7 external treatments and 3 internal treatments left before I get a 3 week break. After that break chemo will start. I have mixed feelings about chemo. On one hand, I know that this journey is coming to an end. On the other, it's another unknown. No one can tell me exactly how my body will react to the chemo. It's such a unique experience for each person. I have talked to several women in my support group and each one's story of chemo was different. Some were actually too tired to eat and some had no problems at all and were actually able to keep working. The only thing that I have been told that I can expect with almost 100% certainty is that I will loose my hair. Okay, I am not too worried about that part. Hell I have already cut my hair very short in anticipation of that one. I am actually excited to see what I look like bald and I can't lie, the idea of not having to shave for several months is not unpleasant. Before I started radiation, I was given a 15 minute video that showed me what the process was. I saw the machine that administers the radiation and the table that I would be on. I saw a woman lie down on the table and the machine move around her. It took much of the anxiety away that I was feeling from an unknown procedure. What this video did not do was keep my mind from wandering during treatment.
I mentioned before one of my first thoughts was what if the beam, in my mind it's a laser, misfires, would it shoot me across the room and into the wall? More recently, my cerebral diarrhea has turned into a way to entertain the techs that set up my room. I asked Tim, the tech guy, if I fart while the beam is on, will it create some sort of explosion or fireball, like when you light a fart? Apparently, no one has had this thought before or has admitted to it. I was informed the next day that he giggled all day about that one. My next thought was about popcorn. Now it might be that I was thinking about popcorn because I am on a low fiber diet and have been instructed not to eat that tasty microwaveable treat. I should mention that for the 10 or 15 minutes that you have to be completely still during treatment, there isn't much else to do but let your mind wander. I tried to doze off, but since the beam sounds much like a dental drill, I had some very odd images of dental procedures and those are never pleasant so I have opted to just let my mind wander and see what comes of it. Anyway, I asked Tim if I placed a bag of popcorn on my butt right before treatment, would we all have a tasty snack at the end of my treatment that day. Again, he laughed at me and explained that they tried it before and the patient complained of oil burns on their ass and who would want to eat ass popcorn? I had to agree with him on that one. EWWW. I decided to move on to a money making enterprise. I thought, what if we would combine the radiation beam with a laser for tattoo removal? One position of the treatment beam is directed at my back so why not? I figure treat cancer and remove a tattoo all at once. I think Tim has now called in a referral for a psychological evaluation on me. I guess it's a good thing that I have not told him about my stand-up routine that I am working on while not thinking about exploding gas and popcorn.
Most days I don't feel too bad. Fatigue, however, is a constant friend of mine. I sleep about 9 to 10 hours a night and usually take a couple of two hour naps during the day. In all I sleep anywhere from 13 to 16 hours a day. I don't spend all day in bed though. Ok, I did spend all day in bed a few days ago. I just could not stay awake. I have had a few days where I had little or no appetite. On those days I mainly drink protein shakes and eat something like yogurt or pudding. I drink plenty of water because the last thing I need is to get dehydrated. I have discovered sugar free kool-aid in the single dose packets. I use those most of the time. I figure water with a little drink mix is still water, right? The other side effect that has been a fairly constant companion is the diarrhea. Thankfully I have an amazing radiology team. They have put me on a low fiber low fat diet and given me a prescription for something stronger than the OTC stuff I was taking. Until next time my friends.
I mentioned before one of my first thoughts was what if the beam, in my mind it's a laser, misfires, would it shoot me across the room and into the wall? More recently, my cerebral diarrhea has turned into a way to entertain the techs that set up my room. I asked Tim, the tech guy, if I fart while the beam is on, will it create some sort of explosion or fireball, like when you light a fart? Apparently, no one has had this thought before or has admitted to it. I was informed the next day that he giggled all day about that one. My next thought was about popcorn. Now it might be that I was thinking about popcorn because I am on a low fiber diet and have been instructed not to eat that tasty microwaveable treat. I should mention that for the 10 or 15 minutes that you have to be completely still during treatment, there isn't much else to do but let your mind wander. I tried to doze off, but since the beam sounds much like a dental drill, I had some very odd images of dental procedures and those are never pleasant so I have opted to just let my mind wander and see what comes of it. Anyway, I asked Tim if I placed a bag of popcorn on my butt right before treatment, would we all have a tasty snack at the end of my treatment that day. Again, he laughed at me and explained that they tried it before and the patient complained of oil burns on their ass and who would want to eat ass popcorn? I had to agree with him on that one. EWWW. I decided to move on to a money making enterprise. I thought, what if we would combine the radiation beam with a laser for tattoo removal? One position of the treatment beam is directed at my back so why not? I figure treat cancer and remove a tattoo all at once. I think Tim has now called in a referral for a psychological evaluation on me. I guess it's a good thing that I have not told him about my stand-up routine that I am working on while not thinking about exploding gas and popcorn.
Most days I don't feel too bad. Fatigue, however, is a constant friend of mine. I sleep about 9 to 10 hours a night and usually take a couple of two hour naps during the day. In all I sleep anywhere from 13 to 16 hours a day. I don't spend all day in bed though. Ok, I did spend all day in bed a few days ago. I just could not stay awake. I have had a few days where I had little or no appetite. On those days I mainly drink protein shakes and eat something like yogurt or pudding. I drink plenty of water because the last thing I need is to get dehydrated. I have discovered sugar free kool-aid in the single dose packets. I use those most of the time. I figure water with a little drink mix is still water, right? The other side effect that has been a fairly constant companion is the diarrhea. Thankfully I have an amazing radiology team. They have put me on a low fiber low fat diet and given me a prescription for something stronger than the OTC stuff I was taking. Until next time my friends.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Ports and Treatment
So it’s been almost a week since my port was placed in my chest. All I can say is I feel sorry for all those alien abductees who have had to deal with this! When your muscles and skin are moved around to make a “pocket” for a medical device to be inserted into, said muscles and skin are not happy! I should clarify that I am not in pain, just really uncomfortable. Anyone who has ever had major surgery or a chronic pain issue knows that there is a difference between the two. Being in pain is like “This hurts so much I really would rather just die right now than experience this” and being uncomfortable is like “I am aware of this sensation and I would prefer that it stops”. I never posted the previous paragraph, but I would hate to deprive anyone of my cleverness so I will include it with my current post.
I have now had 8 of my 25 radiation treatments. The only side effects I have experienced so far are some slight fatigue, joint pain and some diarrhea. I have not received any x-ray vision, mind reading or telepathy powers. I am very disappointed. Apparently, those are not expected but when I asked about these side effects I was promised a cape at the end of my treatment.
The treatments themselves are short and painless. I am face down on a table and the machine moves around me. It sometimes makes a noise like a dental drill, which is a little disconcerting. It does not feel like one, so I am grateful for that! I don’t feel anything at all. Sometimes when the machine is zapping me, I envision a white laser penetrating my skin and destroying any remaining cancer in my body. I believe that positive imagery can help. However, sometimes the “image” takes off and instead of the laser harmlessly penetrating my skin and only going after the cancer, I see the laser hitting my hip and blowing me right off the table and slamming me into the opposite wall. I may need to ask about some kind of therapy for that.
I received a call earlier in the week from an HR representative from my employer. Since my treatment will keep me out of work longer than one calendar year and they did not have a position they could hold for me that long they decided to terminate me. Yeah, I was fired. At first, I was so shocked and hurt and angry but I am over it now. Apparently, they were going to do it a few weeks ago but they wanted me to have my insurance for as close to 30 days as they could give me. I am grateful for that. I have much to do now; filing for disability, unemployment, COBRA and I think there is more but it is escaping me at the moment. I must admit, the decision to terminate me was not a surprise, just the timing. I knew that I would get this phone call, but I expected it later this year, when we were closer to that actual one year date. I think that’s much of why I had such a range of emotion with that. I want to say, “how dare you fire me, I have CANCER!” but I understand why they have to make that decision. I mean, what employer wants to have to pay an employee for doing nothing? If you know of one, please let me know where I can forward my resume.
I have now had 8 of my 25 radiation treatments. The only side effects I have experienced so far are some slight fatigue, joint pain and some diarrhea. I have not received any x-ray vision, mind reading or telepathy powers. I am very disappointed. Apparently, those are not expected but when I asked about these side effects I was promised a cape at the end of my treatment.
The treatments themselves are short and painless. I am face down on a table and the machine moves around me. It sometimes makes a noise like a dental drill, which is a little disconcerting. It does not feel like one, so I am grateful for that! I don’t feel anything at all. Sometimes when the machine is zapping me, I envision a white laser penetrating my skin and destroying any remaining cancer in my body. I believe that positive imagery can help. However, sometimes the “image” takes off and instead of the laser harmlessly penetrating my skin and only going after the cancer, I see the laser hitting my hip and blowing me right off the table and slamming me into the opposite wall. I may need to ask about some kind of therapy for that.
I received a call earlier in the week from an HR representative from my employer. Since my treatment will keep me out of work longer than one calendar year and they did not have a position they could hold for me that long they decided to terminate me. Yeah, I was fired. At first, I was so shocked and hurt and angry but I am over it now. Apparently, they were going to do it a few weeks ago but they wanted me to have my insurance for as close to 30 days as they could give me. I am grateful for that. I have much to do now; filing for disability, unemployment, COBRA and I think there is more but it is escaping me at the moment. I must admit, the decision to terminate me was not a surprise, just the timing. I knew that I would get this phone call, but I expected it later this year, when we were closer to that actual one year date. I think that’s much of why I had such a range of emotion with that. I want to say, “how dare you fire me, I have CANCER!” but I understand why they have to make that decision. I mean, what employer wants to have to pay an employee for doing nothing? If you know of one, please let me know where I can forward my resume.
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